Introducing... Smack-'em-Upside-The-Head Copy... The Latest, Greatest Way to Close A Ton of Sales Under Certain Circumstances

The following post is for Mature Audiences only. That means if you are under 18, bookmark this item and come back when you get old enough.

I say that not because we're talking about a lot of money -- don't be too surprised if in the near future we hear about the first under-18 billionaire -- but because we're talking about foul language.

Now don't get me wrong. You could find language 10 times fouler on TV just about any night, or in a wide variety of PG-rated movies.

But in copy, the world is a little more conservative.

Uh... make that was a little more conservative.

My both-guns-blazing mentoring client, copywriter Vin Montello, recently wrote a sales letter with some pretty sassy language in it. The old rules of copy said, "don't cuss."

Vin thought that approach for this product and to this market - young people (20s - gen y) who have had it up to here with bogus claims about Internet marketing... and can be sold by straight, even crude, talk that acknowledges their frustration and offers a hard-core, no-punches-pulled alternative.

Before I give you the sales numbers on this letter (which pencils out at somewhere between half a million and three-quarters of a million dollars in four days), let me show you the first few paragraphs.  The letter is no longer online, for an interesting reason I'll cover very soon.  I got Vin to send me the code and I put up an image of the first version on my site.  To see it, click here.

The first version of this letter went to a house list.  "1000 sales in 90 minutes," Vin writes in an email. "Somewhere between 4000 and 5000 in 4 days."

The product was $77. There was an upsell for $67 additional, and more than 50% of buyers opted for the upsell.

Now, here's the kicker...

The blue-nose censor in this drama turns out to be my old friend Clickbank. (I say "old friend" because I've made enough from Clickbank to buy a small house... though not in San Francisco!)

What happened was when Clickbank saw words like "bullsh*t" and phrases like "make Google your b*tch," they wagged their corporate finger and said, "no, no, no."

Something about this letter didn't pass their standards.  So Vin's client dutifully made the required alterations and got the letter approved.  It is still making handsome heaps of money today.

You can see the revised, "cleaned up" version at www.projectblackmask.com

A question to think about: Will this work for your market?  Probably not. But I think the important point is that while the essence of human nature changes very little over time, rules and assumptions about what works in copy are changing all the time.  Keep your eyes open and your ear to the ground.

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

Comments

[Mauricio Martinez]

What hits home about this copy is how well I really need to know my customer.

This is not an issue of whether or not they will "tolerate" my language but whether or not that language is the one that will connect with them so deeply as to move them to action.

It's like surgery. The closer to the heart the more careful you have to be.

[James Van Wyck]

Hey David,

Thanks again for the strong insights into sales psychology and words that really work hard to sell.

Vin's salesletter is great!
He makes some very believable promises and claims, the product is something most any internet marketer would want, the copy is extremely tight and readable, and the layout is visually one of the most appealing and interesting I've seen in many months.

The best part of this sales piece ... for me .... is the story. This mysterious spy-thriller mini-narrative just grabbed my by the lapels and pulled me into the middle of the "secret-agent-man" events.

Obviously, the guy who wrote this has real talent, and equally obviously, he's learned powerful sales skills in copywriting from a master.

**********
But back to your point about cuss words and vulgar language. We do live in a different, less sensitive world, where porn is no longer taboo... Jenna Jameison is a household name for the under-40 set....

So I concur with you that "rules" of language are also changing.

Personally, this occasionally-crass Canadian laughed out loud when I read the "banned' headline. I mean really!

Who wouldn't want to
"Make Google Your B***ch"?

That... in my opinion...
is a great headline, that virtually compels me to read on.

And, that IS how many people speak these days....

Jim Van Wyck
PS... I just love these real life examples that you bring to this blog once a month or so. Thanks!

[Bob]

Happy Birthday Lord David!

[Kevin Rogers]

Wow! Now that's a headline! I've done my share of living and not much shocks me, so the language was not what struck me... but the boldness of the claim, and the bullseye it landed on it's target.

Even the "cleaned up" version hits the prospect right where he lives.

This just moved to my favorite Swipes! file.

Thanks for sharing this us David... and, Vin, thanks for writing it.

[Elizabeth Purvis]

They edited that letter? I *loved* that letter!

I guess I'm not surprised. He read bits of the headline and lead to me over the phone and my jaw kind of dropped and then I thought, "Well, he's telling it like it is."

My favorite part of that letter is the bar napkin. I don't know why but it totally made me smile.

[Judy Kettenhofen]

What's a cuss word?
I thought it interesting that the second letter made a claim that the first didn't, and which I would thin would have CB objecting...
"Suck A Billion Dollar Well Dry" ?
--
Of course, I don't know for sure -- there is the word "billion" where the 1st version cuts off -- but I have to admit that there's a stark contrast to what you said about younger IMers having a high degree of skepticism -- followed by "sucking a billion dollar well dry"
(the objection is the billion dollar, not the "suck" :) )

In a recent mini-contest on a popular internet marketing forum, one copywriter wrote about making billions in a matter of hours.
If someone can do that, would they please tell Congress so we can easily cover the costs of the war in Iraq ?

[Stephen Davies]

Hey David,
You already know that Vin is one of my closest friends (please don't hold this against him), but what you may not know is that I get the privilege of watching Vin in action on a daily basis.

I truly believe I am witnessing the evolution of a true copywriting legend.

He's unstoppable!

Dare I say Vin is going to be the next Gary Halbert or Joe Sugarman?

You bet your life I will. And I'll stake my reputation on it without reservation.

One day people are going to ask Vin how he got started, who he looked up to for inspiration, and who his main mentor was (David, this should make you extremely proud).

The strides Vin has made over this past year just blows me away. Not only in his uncanny ability to write phenomenal copy, but how he treats his clients as well.

He not only goes the extra mile, but best of all, he makes tons of money for anyone smart enough to hire him.

Anyone wanting to learn how to write stellar copy needs to follow everything Vin does.

If he ever holds his own seminar or comes out with a copywriting course, people should jump on it right away.