This fear-inducing headline from a (gasp) NEWSPAPER shows the unintended power of hidden phrases. DON'T let this happen in YOUR copy

Just returning from three solid days of deep focus on just the right word (as a teacher at John Carlton's fabulous 3-day 17 Points of Copywriting workshop), I was astounded to see the above headline in this morning's San Francisco Chronicle.

The headline is bad enough -- but we all know that fear sells, and it certainly sells newspapers.  (Don't think I'm going to take it lightly though the next time I see or hear a journalist taking a swipe at an ad because it preys on people's fears.)

But that wasn't what astounded me.  I was more interested in the double meaning of the headline -- almost surely unintended.   Look:

.

Hey, I'm not playing word games here.  Long experience and study has forced me to conclude that's how people really read.  Neuro-linguistic programming concepts of embedded commands and nested loops are just two of the many indications I have that some people will unconsciously take headline meaning number three from reading headline number one.

One of the subtler arts of writing headlines (and body copy) is to see every which-way it could be read, including, of course, the ways you don't want it to be read.  Keep rewriting it until the meaning is unambiguous.  Clear and simple.  Straightforward.

Or, if your headline could mean two (or more) things, make sure both, or all) meanings work for you --  100%.

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

Comments

[The Story Lady]

David,

That is an excellent point. What comes to mind for me is that I have a thinking partner or two look over my copy and i look over his to make sure we don't have things like that.

One time he used the phrase, "Watch live as..." and there was nothing to "watch" because it was an audio experience. Naturally, leave it to the blind person to notice that, right?

But it brings up a good point to be mindful of your words, and to have someone else who has not been deeply embedded in writing the copy to read your copy.

Thanks for this valuable reminder.

Ronda

[Ugur Akinci]

A great post. It really does matter how we phrase things. Even a single word makes such a difference in a header. Good catch!

[Kevin Francis]

David,

This is an excellent point and sometimes overlooked. It's relevant as well to the need to make sure that subheads are correctly structured when they go over more than one line.

As soon as I looked at the headline in the post I immediately saw the word "No"!

Of course, double meanings can be intentional as I'm sure you know. The point, as you say, is to be very careful to check how the copy will read.

Thanks for another informative post!

Kevin Francis