World Copywriting Blog

How Would He Know When You've Been Sleeping? This "Santa" Spends Quite A Bit Of Time Sleeping Himself

EDGEWOOD, MD (World Copywriting Blog) -- Bailey Garfinkel Barnes, the World Copywriting Pup, tries his "hand" (make that "head") at playing Santa Claus during his first Christmas ever.

Bailey, a Scottish Terrier, has outgrown his monicker as "pup."

"He's a big boy, now," observes Jeanette Barnes, the World Copywriting Insitute customer service manager who domiciles Bailey at her Tennessee home.

Jeanette's granddaughter, Sarah, is seen here posing with Bailey.

Stay tuned to the World Copywriting Blog for more exciting news in the life and times of Bailey Garfinkel Barnes!

Your Correspondent,

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

Great New Blog from an Awesome Internet Marketer, Armand Morin

I just found out today about Armand Morin's Internet Marketing Blog.

Anything he does, it seems, is just a cut above what most other people do.  I guess that's what creative dissatisfaction will do to a guy.  I don't know.  He has a tremendous amount of talent, too.

Check it out -- good for copywriters and non-copywriters alike.

www.armandmorin.com

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

Some Musings on Comedy in the Public Eye (YOU decide whether they're a-musing or not)

Today is the birthday of my dear and late friend John Cantu, a pioneer in the San Francisco comedy scene in the late 80s.  He was co-producer of the Holy City Zoo, an experimental comedy club where Robin Williams, Paula Poundstone, Dana Carvey, Margaret Cho and other laugh luminaries of today first got their start.

I've often warned mentoring clients and seminar audiences that in copywriting, you have to use humor with extreme caution.  Most of the time, funny ads just don't work.

Today, I noticed a couple items relating to comedy in the local paper that gave me pause.

The first is about a San Francisco police videos scandal.  The details are almost unimportant and have been beaten to death elsewhere in the media.  Bottom line is, a cop, on his own time, made some humorous videos and posted them on his Web site.

In this, the most politically correct of all politically correct cities, he was roundly rebuked by the Mayor and the Police Chief.  Racist!  Homophobe!  Comedian!

Of course, now that I think about it, some of the most racist, homophobic and otherwise offensive-to-somebody stuff comes out of Hollywood on an almost daily basis, and has been for years.  So what's the lesson?

I think it's this.  Don't produce comedy that the media or the politicians can find out about if you're on the public payroll, even if you do it on your own time.  You can't win.

(Exception: If you hold a high office at the national level, the Beltway Exemption may apply.  Consult your local spin doctor.)

The other thing I saw was that one of John Cantu's alums, Dana Carvey, was performing at the geek-intensive Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.  According to the newspaper review I saw, he wasn't getting a lot of laughs.

Carvey "couldn't get much of a response from the audience," San Francisco Chronicle reporter Ellen Lee wrote, because they appeared to be "more interested in checking out the bar, snacks and devices on display."

A couple of computer-industry jabs you might enjoy:

Carvey surmised that Microsoft's Bill Gates "made a pact with the devil.  Gates gets $50 billion but he has to go through life looking like a turtle."

And Steve Jobs wasn't even in Las Vegas at the show, saving his firepower for Macworld here in San Francisco next week.

Carvey opined that "Jobs doesn't like Las Vegas, ever since he tried to enter the Luxor and found his ego couldn't fit into the casino."

But assembled crowd wasn't rolling in the aisles.  All they wanted to do was play with the equipment, and their food.

The lesson from the lame response Carvey got:

Don't expect to capture the laughing hearts of geeks when there's free food, a no-host bar and new toys to play with.

A final note:  Cantu, I still miss you.

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

One of my Teleseminar Secrets That I am (Reluctantly) Giving Away To Readers of The World Copywriting Blog

If you've ever signed up for one of my teleseminars and found you can't get in, most of the time you're relieved to find a streaming and downloadable version posted on the Web the next day or two.

I'd like to ask you a question:

Do you think this happens by magic?

Well, sort of.  But you need someone affordable, reliable and highly skilled to record the teleseminar for you so you are proud of the quality and can reasonably see using their services over and over again.

The company I hired came to visit me over the holidays.  It was a social visit.  There are a lot of them.  They are one family of two parents and six sons!

The company is called Recorded Moments, and I can't recommend them highly enough.

Here are a couple of photos:

 

Top row: Daniel, Josh, Isaiah, Dave and Timothy Mitchell
Bottom Row: Gabriel (grinning), and me.  At my home.

Kay Mitchell and me at Mel's Diner in San Francisco.

By the way, you need to be signed up to the World Copywriting Newsletter to find out about upcoming teleseminars.  A lot of them are free, but you won't always find out about them on the blog.  Sign up at http://www.copynewsletter.com

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

Internet, Internet, Internet. Yes, it's the future of direct marketing. But even the youngest shoots on an older tree have old, old roots. Here...

Let's start this year by looking backward, which, as you will soon see, is looking forward.  I have but two words for you:

Direct Mail.

Now, stop it!  I can hear you moaning and groaning.

Listen.

I edited a high-priced print newsletter which documented the rise and fall of the dot-bombs. It was called "What's Working Online." The years were 2000-2001.

There should have been a question mark after the name of the newsletter -- thus, "What's Working Online?" -- and an answer:

"Not much."

That was then.  Remember?  Pre-9/11.  Anyway...

After the newsletter died and my contract ended abruptly, I found myself still wanting to keep writing about ecommerce once a month. I got a new gig.  For about a year, I wrote a column for Sales and Marketing Management Magazine.

One of my columns was about the ONLY non-porn businesses that, as a group, were making sizeable money (millions a year) online:

Direct Mailers.

Catalogue companies.  Like L.L. Bean, Magellan's, Eddie Bauer. People who knew the discipline of direct response from words on a page, sent through the postal system.

And were able to apply it, quickly and successfully, on the World Wide Web.

That says a lot, when you think about it.

And direct mail is not dead.  Denny Hatch (I'll return to him in a moment) reports The Winterberry Group projects a 7.5% increase in direct mail in 2006.

Now... really... why should you care?

Here's why.  Even if you never lick a stamp, never print a page, never move a micron away from your computer, there are things you will never learn from the Internet alone that will help you enormously with all of your copywriting --and all of your business at large -- whether online or off.

You'll be one step ahead if you steep yourself in what the direct mail pro's are talking about.  A lot of it may not apply to what you're doing, but some of it definitely does. I'll show you.

A very good direct-response trade magazine I get, which you should subscribe to if you can, is Target Marketing.  It's focused mostly on direct mail.

http://www.targetmarketingmag.com

Here are some gems from last month's issue.

From Hallie Mummert, the editor, a column about Brian Kurtz, who just won an industry award. Mr. Kurtz is well liked and respected by copywriters I know who know him.  He works for Boardroom, Inc., a direct mailer rumored to be doing 9 figures a year.

You should take to heart what he says, whether you're a copywriter, a business owner, or anything else.

Here is what Ms. Mummert reported from Mr. Kurtz's acceptance speech after he received the award:

1. Life is long ... so strike business deals where everyone makes a reasonable-if not healthy-profit.

2. Life is long ... so treat your vendors like partners, not like your hired help. "It costs so little," Kurtz said, "and it's great being everyone's favorite client."

3. Life is long ... so treat all employees-past, present and future-like family. Give them your best, and they will give you their best.

Does it sound like mindless bromides, like Mom, flag and apple pie, to you?  It doesn't to me.  These are real strategies of a $100 million company.

That most businesses would call "too much trouble."

Oh, by the way... are most businesses grossing over 100 mil?

Here's a link to the article: http://tinyurl.com/9optc

Second: A great, great copywriter passed away last year. His name was Ed McLean.  Those in the know ranked him right up there with John Caples, David Ogilvy, and Frank Johnson (who they named the Johnson Box after).

I heard about Mr. McLean's death, but I failed to acknowledge it in this blog until now. Denny Hatch (I told you I'd get back to him), the founder of Target Marketing, wrote a great eulogy and appreciation.

Unfortunately I can't find a link to it so I'll just pull a couple incredibly powerful gems from the article:

Mr. Hatch, quoting Mr. McLean:

1. It's not what you say, but what is believed.

2. It's not what you mean, but what is understood.

Those are words to live by.

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter

P.S. It's unfortunate that Mr. Hatch's columns are not available online, but Ray Schultz, editorial director of competing Direct Magazine, has a wonderful remembrance of Mr. McLean in the October, 2005 issue.

Here's the URL to that article: http://tinyurl.com/ad7x5

P.P.S.  World Copywriting Newsletter subscriber Lisa Sargent wrote to tell me that while you can't get Mr. Hatch's column online, you can get twice-a-week musing from him by email.  The minute I heard, I signed up!

http://www.businesscommonsense.com/

Happy New Year! Now,

let's start off the New Year with a good laugh!  No, I'm serious.  This is a funny book!

You may have suspected what the authors, and I, already know: We live in a grammar-optional society.  Most of the leaders in all sectors put grammar, as well as being able to articulately express themselves, relatively low on their list of priorities.

And, writer that I am, I'm no stickler.  I split infinitives.  I end sentences with prepositions.  And I've been accused of dangling participles on more than one occasion.

And... hey... I'm fine with that.

But... and this is a big but... there are lines that you don't want to cross.  Not being able to match subjects and verbs, and not knowing when to use an adverb and when to use an adjective.  For example.

When I break the rules, 99% of the time I know which rule I'm breaking and why it's to my (or my reader's) advantage to break it.

If you fancy yourself a writer -- especially a copywriter -- there are groups you will want to be part of, sooner or later, that will not let you in if you come across like an uneducated idiot.  It's harder and harder to get an education these days that teaches you what you need to know to succeed, but for $12 you can't go wrong with this one:

The Gremlins of Grammar, by Toni Boyle and K.D. Sullivan

The thing I like is that while most grammar-type books are deadly dull or nail-screechingly tedious, this one's not.  The authors are both experts and good writers.  Plus, they're realists - this book was written in the new millenium, for the new millenium.

It's not the prissy schoolmarm with her hair tied up in a bun and a hickory stick waiting for your next mistake.  It's more like the hip teacher with a firm grip on what is, what's possible, and what's so dark-and-dirty nasty that it should never be. 

All of which, in case you're unsure, is good.

So seeing as it is winter, go get yourself a copy before you step (or drive yourself) into the next grammatical pothole.

David Garfinkel
Publisher, World Copywriting Newsletter